Picture it: you’re in a crowded, dingy little bar, standing in front of everyone like you’re performing in a play. But drunk. The bartender hands you a codfish. You kiss it sloppily on the mouth, slipping it some tongue. The bartender speaks what sounds like gibberish to you. You speak some gibberish back and slam a shot of the raunchiest dark rum available. Then— and only then— can you become one of us.

This is not a scene from a David Lynch film. This is being “Screeched In” and it’s an integral part of the Newfoundland culture, of which I am proud part of. If you’re a CFA (i.e., a “Come From Away”— anyone not born in Newfoundland,) you have to complete this rite of passage to be an honorary “Newfie”.

It is an important ceremony, that must be done completely, following strict, ancient rules, or it doesn’t count.

1. The officiate must be a natural-born Newfoundlander.
2. There must be a cod (usually stuffed) to kiss on the mouth. Use of tongue is encouraged. (Note: I have witnessed a stuffed puffin used in place of a cod, so the species isn’t crucial, just it being of Newfoundland origin. In this case, the inductee had to kiss the puffin’s ass.)
3. You must be able to remember and repeat a short bit of “Newfoundlandese”. (Don’t think this part is easy).
4. And last but not least, you must drink a shot of Screech. And it must be swallowed in one shot.

What is Screech? Nowadays, what is sold as Newfoundland Screech is a 40% dark rum. And it is vile. If you drink enough of it, you will be sick. But we love it because it’s such a tradition. Like vodka is for Russians and Guinness is for the Irish, Screech is part of Newfoundland’s cultural identity.

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Screech originated in the trade with the West Indies in the 1700s. Newfoundland sailors would trade cod for rum. The barrels used to ship the rum were also frequently used to ship molasses and rarely cleaned between uses. Back in Newfoundland, once the rum was gone, the isolated fishermen would soak the barrels and the sediment that was extracted was either fermented itself or mixed with grain alcohol.

Local lore states it got its name when the commanding officer of an American detachment stationed in Newfoundland during World War II was offered some after a meal. He saw his host down a glass of it, so he did the same. After drinking it, he let out a loud yell. The first to arrive was An American sergeant alarmed by the noise. “What the cripes was that ungodly screech?” he asked.

The Newfoundlander replied, “The screech? ‘Tis the rum, me son.”

It really is like watching a drunken play. The officiate stands up, wearing a sou’wester, and addresses both the inductees and the witnesses. The codfish is presented above the heads of the crowd like a trophy. Then, it’s passed from inductee to inductee to be kissed. (Do NOT forget the tongue!) Shots of Screech are poured and distributed. The inductees are asked, “Is you a Newf?” They answer, “Deed I is, me ol’ cock! Long may your big jib draw!” And they drink. At the end, you get a special certificate as proof you did the deed. And then you keep drinking.

If you’re lucky enough to try it, you’ll be screeching too.

Posted at 1:18pm and tagged with: Beth, submission,.